How to Internet: A Beginner's Guide

How to Internet

1. First and foremost: don’t ever antagonise any of the chans.
2. Don’t assume that people care about you. If they do, great, but you can’t take it as a given online.
3. Liking anything Japanese makes you a 'weeaboo'; disliking anything Japanese makes you a racist. That’s just the way it works.
4. Finland has a disproportionately large online presence. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Those guys beat off the Commies and the Nazis.
5. Video games are fucking controversial. Except for Jack Thompson; ever since the ‘flowers for Jack’ fiasco, everybody hates him.
6. Familiarise yourself with chatspeak. Even if you don’t use it, other people will.
7. Familiarise yourself with lolcats. Chances are after you get past the initial bemusement you’ll find them hilarious too.
8. If you happen to like both Philip K. Dick and Robert A. Heinlein, beware. This is the Internet equivalent of standing between the trenches during the shelling.
9. Yes, there are people who honestly like Draco Malfoy. No, I don’t know either.
10. Actually, you’re best avoiding most of the Harry Potter fans. Really.
11. My Immortal, however, unites the entire Internet. Against it.
12. Even outside the chans, DO NOT. PISS OFF. ANONYMOUS.
13. Do mention Twilight, Inheritance, and/or The Sword of Truth. Bring popcorn.
14. Depending upon what yuri board you’re on, bringing up Kannazuki no Miko may make the Internet reach through your screen and slap you. The same goes for Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito.
15. Yoshinobu Nishizaki is always funny.
16. About Doctor Who fandom…avoid. Avoid. AVOID! But don’t avoid the show itself or there’ll be a lot of desultory references that you won’t get.
17. Mentioning Orson Scott Card can be good or bad, depending.
18. Do you like V for Vendetta? If not, I strongly suggest that you start to!